Tumeken: Le Capitan, Limeus Maximus Aurelius | "I'm a goddamn sentient citrus in charge of a fucking fleet. By all rights, I should be a Super Elite Ridiculously Grand Admiral, but I prefer being a Captain so I can pick up chicks. What more do you want? SACRE BLEU! For Nardah - or wherever I end up starting!"
Saradomin: Dinomasar, Jurassic Herald of Light | "I'm half dinosaur and half devout priest of the God of Order. He quelled my instinctively violent and brutal nature, and led me on a decade-long quest to find the true meaning of my life. I discovered the meaning was that my life is His to command, and so I answer his war call."
Zaros: Homer Duskbringer, the Crosseye | "I used to be an idiotic-yet-brilliant-poet. I led a good life with my family in the suburbs, drinking beer and occasionally strangling my son when I wasn't producing epic tales of heroes in distant lands; heroes like 'Hector', 'Achilles', and 'Odysseus' doing ridiculous things with wooden horses. However, one day, I was drawn to an ancient place to speak with one who called himself the Empty Lord, and he was so impressed by my stupid exterior belying a wordsmith's brilliant mind that he chose me over that ass-kissing fool, Azzanadra, as his Instrument. Having regained some of his power, the deity reached through the Communion Portal and branded my right eye with his symbol, the Empty Cross. Now, as war dawns upon the world, I take up his banner, as the Crosseye, to bring death and suffering to those who do not recognize his dominance!
Bandos: Big High War Goblin | "Oi, yea? Wot's dis thing, why ya stickin' it in me face, 'uman? A... 'tape recorder'? Wot's dat? Ah well, I'z da warleader fer da Big High War God. I call meself 'Big High War Goblin' so dat other gits know not ta mess wit me! It'z worked so far, no one think ol' Snotnose is stupid general anymore. No, now he Big High War Goblin! We fight everything! For BIG HIGH WAR GOOOOOOOOD!"
Armadyl: Judge Traggat | "Innocence means nothing. Burn the witch, the mutant, the heretic! Only through purification can the Imperium be kept safe."
Zamorak: Asavar Kul, the Everchosen | "RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAWR!"
Seren: The Nameless, Wordless, and Brainless One | *leaves being rustled by a calm wind*
Order of Apostasy: Dammall Dagods | "The Great Extermination was caused by the weak and the lost believing in entities that care nothing for their well-being; they care only for themselves, and their lust for power and control has bled this world too many times. We work to take a stand against those who would ravage Gielinor with their puppets. The Order will preserve what Guthix spent centuries of loving care to shape and grow."